Our staff of fearless investigative journalists uncovered this early draft of fired Penn State president Graham Spanier’s alleged letter of resignation, and the word “alleged” is chosen because Spanier produced the letter after he was fired.

It has been my great privilege and honor to make millions of dollars at Penn State for more than 25 years, including the past 16 as president. I have said before that the position I occupy is the biggest scam in American higher education, and I am proud of what we have all done together to fleece donors, advance my career, promote football, raise tuition often, and diminish pride in our Nittany institution.

Our once mediocre state university has been rocked by serious criminal charges to say the least against a former coach whose name I will not mention here to avoid any association I may or may not have had with Jerry Sandusky. The presentment by the Attorney General describes acts that I and other administrators should have never tolerated or ignored and should have reported to the police immediately. I seriously do not expect you to believe that I was stunned and outraged to learn that any predatory act might have occurred in a University shower or by someone associated with the University whose name I still refuse to mention. I do expect you to believe that our cover up failed even though I have decades of practice in establishing deniability.

I can not really expect you to believe that I am heartbroken to think that any child may have been hurt and have deep convictions about the need to protect my career and children—if the allegations concerning a former University employee are true—at any cost. My heartfelt sympathies and a thousand other cliches of concern go out to all those who may have been victimized. I would always hesitate to report a crime if it threatened my reputation if I had any suspicion that one had been committed.

The acts of no one person should define this University, although I’ve done my best to associate my name with Penn State and Paterno, because Penn State is defined by me, Paterno, the traditions, loyalty and integrity of hundreds of thousands of students, alumni, football players, and employees.

Penn State and its Board of Trustees are not going to get me or my help in the throes of dealing with and recovering from this crisis that may exist, and there is wisdom in appearing to resign after I have been fired so that there are no distractions other than Congress, the Department of Education, the NCAA, the courts, and the national media in allowing the University to move away from negative and embarrassing and financially ruinous national attention.

This University is a large and complex institution that only I understood, and although I have occasionally always acted more or less honorably and in the best interests of the University, the buck stops here, sort of, if I can avoid legal responsibility and continue to distance myself from those people I have not named here who may have known about alleged acts of questionable legally that may or may not have occurred in a University shower facility allegedly affiliated the Penn State football program. In this situation, I believe it is in my best interests to appear to leave voluntarily even though I have already been fired to give my successor a clear path for resolving the issues that may be before us.

I will always value the vast fortune I have accumulated and the lucrative relationships that I have developed with the many thousands of Penn Staters, community leaders and members of the higher education community throughout the country who are still speaking to me. I will continue to cling to a tenured position at the University and hope in every way possible to collect a salary with huge pension benefits from and celebrate the former alleged greatness of Penn State. And I wish to thank the Penn State legal staff for their assistance with writing this pablum.